Calling All Single Ladies.....Looking for Someone?

Question: I am a single woman and its hard out here. I’m the total package and no matter where I turn it appears that all men play games, want sex, or aren’t ready for a relationship. Have you had any luck or do you have any advice for single girls. 

Answer: Any luck? No. I think there is so much in singleness that we miss out on as singles because we are busy trying to get into a relationship. I don’t date because I hate the whole process. I hate surface conversations, and I absolutely cannot sit across from someone,or next to them, for a few hours and knowingly hold zero interest in them. That’s personal, for me! For you, I would encourage you, like I have to encourage myself OFTEN, just be patient, there are only a few good men out here….same applies to women……. so allow God to show you where to go and who to entertain and before you know it love will find you. As Chrisette Michelle says “love won’t leave you out”, believe that! I am also in the finishing process of publishing an e-book on Singleness and how to prepare for the ring! I’m excited, I will share more details on that soon!

KWK

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Miley Cyrus......the Next Lindsey Lohan?

Question: Do you think Miley Cryrus is the next Lindsey Lohan?

Answer: If I take that question at face value my answer would be, No, there is no way she could be the next Lindsey Lohan, because she is Miley Cyrus! However, If I take the question beyond the surface my answer would be, I think it’s hard to tell. Money and fame is tricky, most people want it but everybody can’t handle it. Also when you add drugs to the mix anything destructive can happen. Teenage years are rough for everyone and I always challenge people to ask themselves if a camera followed you around at age 18 what would they capture about your life? I know if they had followed me, the feds would be watching, people would be talking, and others perception of me would be jacked U.P.! 

By nature of her being in the spotlight she can’t go to the bathroom and pee without it making headlines. I think she is simply being a teenager, she is getting money, she has found something that is working for her to further her career, and she’s doing just that, making money. If she’s experimenting with drugs or alcohol I can’t call it, don’t most teens? I’m not saying it’s right I’m just saying it’s probably easier to clean our own closets first. The girl is making money, all money ain’t good money but she will learn that at some point. That’s the cost of fame…….and she’s definitely making payments. So all in all for me I think the bigger lesson is be careful what you ask for and look at the whole picture before you make assumptions, judgment, or become envious of a person or a situation.

KWK

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Advice For Engaged Couples

Question: Any advice for engaged couples?

Answer: If you are engaged get marital counseling. Not just from anybody or some random pastor….. do your research. There is no harm in therapy, counseling, life coaching etc and I am not just saying that because I work in this field I am just confident that these resources are available to help individuals advance in who they are. Premarital counseling allows you to explore topics you may have not touched on, topics you have already discussed and is available to help each person involved get a full grasp on who they are and who they are marrying. If you are confident in who you are and your future spouse, GREAT! counseling should be easy breezy! Whatever you do DON’T GET MARRIED WITHOUT IT! Its good maintenance for your relationship and honestly it really helps you. Not your future spouse but YOU, and anyone who is married or has been married will tell you that marriage ain’t no walk in the park. Counseling, coaching, etc prepares you so when the rough patches come, you will already be equipped to handle the situation, your emotions, and your reactions. True Story: Most couples I know who opted out of pre marital counseling would do anything for a counseling session now, their marriage has pretty much been rocky since the honeymoon. 

Also make sure you know who you are marrying and why you are getting married. This is so important. Many people avoid exploring these areas and I encourage you not to. When I say "who you are marrying" I am talking about the character, habits, attitude, and mannerism of the person you are about to marry. Make sure you can live with the whole package, not just the nice person who holds the door open for the elderly and can perform 1/2way decent in the bedroom. When I say "why you are getting married"….be real with yourself. Why are you marrying this person? If it’s because you are madly in love that’s sweet but why are you in love with this person? Is it because your clock is ticking, you feel like no one else wants you, everyone else you know is getting married, you can’t live without them, he asked, he/she has potential, she fine, the sex is good, you hope to fall in love with them at some point, etc. Whatever the reason is just make sure you know what it is exactly, so when ish hits the fan (because it hits the fan in any relationship) you will have full knowledge as to who you married and why you married them in the first place. It just helps to make things clear in seemingly unclear situations that will arise in marriage. 

Lastly, be real. I pray you haven’t been putting on to get the ring because that never works. You just end up getting married and your husband/wife will start hating you when the real you shows up. So go ahead and show up now, therefore everyone knows what to expect. No one is bamboozled, or hoodwinked. There is more but counseling will help you explore those areas. Preparation is key in any area!  

KWK

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I am an Adult and I Still Struggle with Fitting In!

Question: Sometimes I feel like I do not fit in anywhere. Do you have any advice for that? I know it’s a weird question but maybe you can give some insight.

Answer: I really do not have any advice other than the fact that great people usually don’t fit in, until they gain some level of notoriety, then they may get a wealth of fans and even more enemies than they started with. So with that information I would  say: own who you are! We live in a copy cat society everybody wants to be like somebody else. For example: Women in the church want to be like the first lady. If they don’t measure up to who they think she is they feel inadequate. Men wanna be like their favorite athlete, rapper, or even their pastor. That’s why advertisement is the largest market in the world, its designed to make you want to be a particular way and when you find out you may never measure up, you are subconsciously pressured to feel bad about yourself. Take heart girl you were created to serve your purpose.

Personally speaking,I have always felt like I did not belong! To brief you with a little summary about my life so you will see why I don't quite fit in here you go:  I am 26 but I have the soul of a 36 year old woman. I would rather listen to wisdom than foolishness all day. On the same hand I possess the turn up of a 26 year old, I absolutely love to dance and enjoy learning all of the latest dances, from line dances to twerk dances...... I love them all. I love Jesus so much its freak crazy and I do not mind going out. I am in no way a habitual clubber but if a group of friends what to go out, depending on my mood I will go. I dress the way I feel for that day. I don’t wear shorts because I don’t like them but I love skirts, long ones, short ones, fitted, or flare. My mom always laughs at me because I want a grill. I really do, a real cute, blinged out, grill....with canary yellow and pink diamonds. I wouldn’t wear it every day only the days I felt like it. I don’t go to church every Sunday. My church is nearly 2hrs from my house so I watch it live stream. My relationship with God isn’t limited to a Sunday morning service! Some weekdays I get in my "I need an overflow of Jesus" moods... & I download a whole bunch of sermons from various pastors and I literally listen to sermons all day long, even in my car. Or some days I feel like falling in love so I listen to Tamar or when my ratchet streak needs stroking I pop in 2chains.  Sounds crazy right?!?! Well its my crazy & I own it!

Now with such versatility there requires a great sense of discernment. Settings, music, and even some people can’t be entertained all the times. There is a great spiritual battle that goes along with this. What I mean is we wrestle not with people but spirits. So when I go out there are spirits there, I recognize them immediately.When I listen to music I am able to recognize the spirits present. Now on the same hand when I go to church (not my church) but some churches, there are spirits there and they aren’t always holy spirits. I am aware of that too. I meet people who would not even step foot into a church who have the most amazing spirits, and some who go to church faithful whose spirit I want no parts of.

All this to say, 1^st  I believe in being transparent. I like people to see my life so they can get an understanding. I’m different, all day DIFFERENT! 2^nd I am not encouraging you to be like me but I am indeed encouraging  you to be like YOU! Just because I am not like you and you are not like me does not make one of us better than the other. We live in a world of competition and judgment and the reason we engage in such behavior is so we can feel like we are better than someone else. I will humbly place myself at the bottom of the totem pole so that everyone else can be better than me. I’m so flawed it’s crazy, but at the same time I'm so perfect in Christ. My mom shakes her head at me all the time because some parts of me she can’t understand. You may never be understood by others, so why not take time to understand yourself!?! 

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How to I Address Insecurities in a Relationship?

Question: My boyfriend says I’m insecure and it’s ruining our relationship. He has dealt with other women outside our relationship early on and while I am trying to get over it, it’s just hard sometimes when he’s overly flirtatious over social media, inconsistent, and sometimes secretive. What’s a girl to do?!?!

Answer: I love how we (men and women) think the word insecurities apply to women only! WRONG, here’s a refresher for you, INSECURITES apply to men as well and an insecure man is as equal to if not worse than, in my opinion, an insecure woman. Here is why: Personally I idealize men as leaders! However I must recognize that there are many types of leaders: there are phenomenal leaders, good leaders, ok leaders and leaders who have NO CLUE. Ok leaders and leaders who have NO CLUE are prime candidates for insecurities because they do not have the capacity to fulfill their role as a leader effectively, which cause them to often question themselves and/or make questionable decisions which almost always leads to error. A confident leader who is secure in his/her decisions make fantastic leaders.

In my case since I reference men as leaders, especially in relationships, a confident man who is secure in who he is makes a great boyfriend/husband. This confident man will not choose an ill-equipped woman to be a part of his team. He wants an asset not a liability; Someone that is equally yoked, confident, & secure…. unless he chooses a woman who needs assistance in some areas, taking on the role of a teacher filling the shoes of a phenomenal or good leader. However keep in mind these type leaders choose teammates that are primarily open to positive change. These leaders also make a conscious effort not throw your weaknesses in your face and make you feel inferior, in fact they present your weaknesses to you, offering comfort and assistance to make you feel empowered to overcome them!
                                                 
I am merely suggesting that if your boyfriend says your insecurities are ruining your relationship, please take into consideration that his insecurities (as the leader) could have established the relationship, set the tone for the relationship, and now have either permeated the entire relationship, transferring to you OR connected with the insecurities you had prior to the relationship, creating a transference of insecurities that is slowly destroying your relationship from the inside out.

I love how we place blame on others as a means to withdraw responsibility from ourselves (I think everyone can agree to have done this at one point or another). I suggest you challenge your boyfriend to identify any error on his part concerning your “insecurities”. He knows what he’s done and is currently doing, and you know as well! You have been blessed my dear sister with a wonderful gift from God called an Intuition. It’s a real gift but has been developing a bad rap because it is often misused with displaced emotions, an inability to communicate, coupled with a lack of God- confidence that in my opinion rightfully so draws question to its effectiveness at times. However that does not negate the gift, it just challenges women to utilize the gift correctly.
                                      
You know that whatever is going on in your relationship makes you feel uncomfortable and you have every right to own your feelings and share them constructively. That benefits you! What is not beneficial to you however is to be disregarded emotionally and fully blamed for an issue you are only partially responsible for. **Never allow someone else’s insecurities to cause you to question who you are, or connect with your already existing insecurities. Establish a separation or else it creates a MESS**

I suggest you take time to get to know who you are. Establish what you desire out of life, the goals you wish to achieve, and the woman you want to become. I suggest you spend crazy time with God, that is the most constructive and most time efficient way to figure this all out. I am not suggesting you leave the relationship, because there are two more sides to this; His and The Truth, but what I am suggesting is that you take time to prepare and develop who you are in character and emotion. Only then can you be an asset to yourself and any relationship.

~Konversations w/ Kristen

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I Need More of God but I Must Get Me Together 1st!

Answer: that is the biggest lie from the enemy. I lived in that place of aloofness(?) and denial for so many years and put my destiny on pause believing that same lie. There is no way in the world you will be able to get yourself right, furthermore all the way right....you don't have the capacity to do it alone. That's why God sent us the Holy Spirit to help us and guide us into all truths. The only human that was able to get themselves right or be 100% right rather, was Jesus Christ himself. Be encouraged, no one else has been able to fill those shoes to date!

                                                     
The best advice is to come to Christ just the way that you are. A liar, a cheater, sleeping with your girlfriend/boyfriend, cursing at your neighbor, about to blow up on a enemy, cheating on your spouse, smoking, reckless partying, whatever you got going on, just come to Him. He has so much for you and the more you draw nearer to Him, He will drawn to you, which will cause you not only to want to change but change some of those habits that you're trying to change alone.

                                            
Don't let the church or religious customs draw you away from Christ through hypocrisy and judgement. Many people in the church are just like you struggling with your same issues but have learned how to mask them efficiently. Do not worry about them, they do not have the power to put you in heaven or hell so they should be of no concern. Quite frankly they're just being used by the enemy as a deterrent to separate you from your victory in Christ, believe that! So make a decision asap to give your self to Christ. ... he will help you through the process, you will be a better person, and most rewardingly you will reap the benefits of a believer. Please do not get twisted:There is an access code! Don't allow the enemy or his influence over others hinder you from getting yours.

~Konversations w/ Kristen

What Motivates You to Pursue Your Passion

Answer: WOAH!! I'm motived by God. When I look over my crazy life and all the crazy things that I have done in my lifetime compared to the grace and mercy that HE afford to me every single day, makes God my main motivation, mostly b/c He loves and cares about me most. But don't get it twisted we have our moments where I'm like "God what the heck is going on", "where are you", "did you stop listening to me", "what's going on in my life", "where the heck is my husband", "You said I will experience this____________, um I don't see a pie in the sky", and anything else you can think of. But then I am just so comforted in knowing that HE loves me unconditionally and while I continue to make change HE remains the same and have always wanted the best for me, has already created the best life for me and is just patiently waiting on me to surrender and submit to His will which has been the hardest thing on my part.                                                  



   My second motivation is my family I am one of the biggest family people ever. I know I get on my family's nerve all the time because I want to be around them 24 /7 if I could have it my way. I often verbalize to my family that when everybody gets thier husbands and wives, kids, pets whatever regardless of what's going on each and every holiday will be celebrated at my house with their family their husbands or wives families and whoever else needs to be there so that I can have every member in my family together at one time celebrating life as a unit. Lol My family life is not perfect but when I tell you I have a love for each and every individual in my family that goes beyond words I mean that wit in me.

                                       

My future family also motivates me... the family that God has already promised that I would have. I am motivated to be the best woman that can be so that I can be an awesome wife and a great mother. I want to be a help me and joyful companion to & for the man that God has for me and just as a great example for my kids.I am also motivated by youth, in particular teens. Teenagers have the biggest affect on me because those are the most formative years of one's life where you really don't know what you want to do, where you're going, and you simply need direction, you need validation, you need love, you need support, and it may just be one me but I am willing to give all the love, encouragement, &support I have to every teenager and young adult I can. I just want them to realize all the endless possibilities that out for them if they stay on the right track I make great decisions. 
                           

Lastly I'm motivated by you Facebook,Twitter, Instagram, all the people that I meet randomly who want to be better but just don't know how, the people that want to know Christ but don't know where to start, the people that are just waiting for a real woman to stand up and model, you know, the type of woman that God created in His image, the women that reach out to me so that I can give them advice and support in their marriage or relationship, the men that reach out to me with questions about Christ as well as the men who pride themselves as wonderful fathers I'm motivated by that too.

♥KWK♥

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What's it Like to be Single: The Real Truth!

 So last year I wrote a letter to God about my feelings on being single. At the age of 26 I have had a wealth of emotional experiences in regards to my singleness. Please read how I feel about being single after the dust settles. 

Dear Dad,

Being single has been one of the greatest experiences I've had. I never really understood, valued, or respected being single. Always in such eager anticipation to be in a relationship or get married, I disregarded the importance of being By Myself. I think as a society we focus so much on “having somebody” that we miss the splendor of being single. As a woman who has been single for roughly 15 months, it wasn’t until 4 months ago that I started to see the beauty of singleness.

We often gain an appreciation for being single from a worlds perspective, believing that being single means: “well at least I don’t have anyone to worry about” or “I can do what I want to do now that I am single”, etc.  All these justifications are void fillers that leave us just as empty as we have always been; preparing us for yet another relationship, that is destined to fail. As a single woman I have really learned to know and understand You. There is a method to the madness often associated with being in a relationship or being married, however, as single people we get so caught up in dating our own way that we totally ignore You. I have been guilty of taking delight in the anticipation of drama and confusion that is destined when two totally incomplete people merge together.

                                        

 I have also learned Kristen and that has been such a humbling experience to say the least. Through singleness I have grown in 7 areas of my life......7 the number of completion. My personality~ I now monitor and analyze things I do or say to gage if my actions or words could potentially hurt someone.  My attitude~ I have began taking into account how my feelings affect others around me. I learned it’s important to think first and feel second. How I feel should not affect my day, and it is extremely selfish of me to allow my feelings to impact someone else’s day as well. My personal views~ As a strongly opinionated woman, I had to learn that everybody doesn’t care to hear my opinion all the time. No matter how “Right” I may think I am about a situation it’s not my place to prove my “Rightness” about everything, in every conversation. While it is important to think first and feel second, it is also important to think first and speak second. Views and opinions are often accompanied with a plethora of feelings. Feelings DO NOT mean anything. We can feel good one second, and feel like crap before that second is over. Feelings are unstable and typically do not account for good decisions. Any decision based off feelings is destined to FAIL!!

                                               
 My worth~ To tell the truth and shame the devil I talked a good game but for years I had ZERO self worth. I let men in and out of my life, and take pieces of me with them like I belonged to them. For years I cared about everyone else but me; not in some self-pity way either. I truly cared more about a man’s happiness than mine. This mindset obligated me to relationships with people I KNEW I had no business with. While this is such a valued and loyal attribute for a woman to have, I carelessly used this God given gift in non marital relationships. Only a wife should selflessly care for her husband. This mindset has been God-Approved among married couples because this relationship involves two people who consciously made a vow before You, (our Lord) to intentionally deny themselves daily for the benefit of their partner. Because I have never been married, it became apparent to me that over the years I have operated as a wife in many relationships. This inappropriate behavior guarantees ZERO covering or protection from the Holy Spirit (You), so basically I set myself up.   While I was so caught up in being “wifey” I sacrificed my morals, beliefs, and even wants, to show someone else how worthy they were; Caring minimally about how worthy You are and caring nothing at all about my own self worth. 

My values~ are deeply rooted in the things of God….NOW. For YEARS, my values were a storage board of ideas and opinions developed by myself, family, friends, married people, God, and the media. I created a value system and lived by that system alone. I never intentionally established my value system according to Your standards. My motives~ being single allows me to examine my motives for wanting to be in a relationship. Over the years I have sought out relationships to fill voids, save me from feeling lonely, satisfy my lustful desires, provide companionship, find someone to consistently talk to, and so many other reasons I can’t even think of at the moment. My motives for being in a relationship were never to join with a man with whom we could further develop in the things of You and become useful instruments for the Kingdom. My main concern was to make them happy; even if it included doing something I did not want to do, all in hopes that they would return the favor for my seemingly selfless actions. I never viewed relationships as a ministry, a coming together of like people, with the same foundation, seeking to build a legacy for this generation and future generations to come.

                                      
Lastly I needed to identify my Savior. My Savior~ is Jesus Christ. For so long I longed for relationships so some man could come in and save me. Save me from being alone, save me from boredom, save me from loneliness, save me from living alone and all these things that should not be sought after from an individual.  Being single has proven to be beautiful thing in my life. It has afforded me many opportunities to prepare for my future family. I have established peace within, I have understood the importance of prayer and relying on You before entering into a relationship or making decisions, I have died to myself so that I can operate as You would have me operate, I understand the importance of being led by You and not my feelings or emotions, I choose to make You proud above all things, and I have developed an endurance and understanding that You have the best for me. You love me more than I could ever love myself or anyone else, and You hold my future in Your hands. I have also grown to understand that because I chose obedience, You will honor and bless me in my one day marriage. I love you so much for correcting me, and teaching me how to be better. Only a loving Father would do that & I appreciate You.

I love you,
Kristen

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