Don't Celebrate Mother's Day

As Mother's Day quickly approaches us, I decided to do a post about it. I hate being cliche at times so I was going to refrain from the standard "to all the mother's out there I wish you a Happy Mother's Day" post on social media but a Instagram picture compelled me to dig a little deeper and make this acknowledgment A PRETTY BIG DEAL. Scrolling through my timeline yesterday evening I noticed  a young, single, mother who owns a thriving business here in the Atlanta area, post a photo of some flowers (or something to that effect) and the caption underneath read something like "I am so surprised, I never get anything for Mother's Day. Thank you". While her gift served as a means of excitement for her (by the way Go You) it quickly saddened me. It made me think of all the mothers who don't get anything, not even a phone call for Mother's Day. Let's do away with the man-made holiday conversation because all of these holiday's are "man-made". So as a PSA for all of those who love to repeat that reasoning, I challenge you to really reconsider your though process and search a
little deeper within and do something extra special for the woman who gave birth to you, raised you, or had a heavy hand in your rearing, raised your kids, raised her kids, raised your closest friends, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving mother's gifts, love, extra attention and admiration regardless if someone said you should on a particular day or not. When your boss, who works for a man made company, tells you to come to work at a certain time on a certain day you show up ready to put in hours of labor, but you can't take a little time out to do something for a mother on a Sunday.......ok! (and for my entrepreneurs out here enough said)

Holiday's are a BIG deal in my family, less about the actual holiday and more about a reason for the family to get together over food, fun, conversations about trending topics (our own topics) , and laughter. As the typical spear header of these holiday celebrations I know they mean a lot to me, and I never really checked to see what they meant to everyone else in my family, but who cares their smiling faces serve as a pretty good indicator. So if you are a child (no matter the age), husbands, boyfriends, neighbors, etc it's not going to kill you to go out of the way for a woman who not only gave birth, but raised her children despite the cares of life that could have easily encouraged her to give up. If your mother is no longer living, send a card or flowers to an aunt, grandmother, sister, elderly woman at your church or in your neighborhood to spread the love this holiday season and let these women know that they are worthy of honor.

Personally, I think Mother's Day should be everyday because I am constantly looking at mother's and thinking to myself: How do you do it?? Honestly have you ever tried putting a woman's daily schedule next to a man's schedule (unless he is a single father) I am sure her day has many more to-do-tasks on them, and how many of her tasks  are actually about her?! While I am aware this is not the case in every household, this is the norm in many and it really shows the dedication and hard work women commit to their children. I've heard heartless people say "I don't get the big deal, it's their job" and to that I have to remind them that yes it is, just as your place of employment is your job and if they didn't pay you I don't think you'd be motivated to go there every single day, now would you?

The point I am trying to make is Mother's Day is worthy of celebration and every mother needs to be recognized. I understand money may be tight but get creative. Google was created to be your bff in times like these so search for free or inexpensive Mother's Day ideas. As a young woman who eagerly anticipates my perfect timing to become a mother, I  am often intimidated by the demands and overwhelming responsibility of parenting. I see the sacrifices so many women make daily and I also see the help many women need across the world and even that motives my eagerness to my make an impact on the life of a little person.

I want to share with you a quick story if you will, it starts off a little off topic but it's relevant I promise! Recently over an early Cinco De Mayo celebration (off topic)  my girlfriends (who are currently not mother's) answered the question "what do you most look forward to about motherhood and how many children do you want". While some think its a juvenile conversation I think it's life changing and it puts parenthood in its proper lighting. I love my circle of friends  because we share common views on things that matter. Almost all of us eluded to the fact that we can't wait to raise little people who are cautious  of the world around them. Who are grounded in truth and love, and are challenged to think both outside the box and critically when it comes to learning themselves, others, academics, relationship building, and positive social interactions.  We want to raise   balanced children who understand the power of yes and no, and for that we'll deserve some honoring on Mother's day, DAG NABBIT, when the time comes and if we don't get it I promise you we'll make it a celebration over a nice girlfriends brunch with mimosas to celebrate one another!

To all that have lost their mother,I challenge you to celebrate the other women around you who are mother's. Let's try to be less self absorbing in 2014 and move beyond ourselves. There is a world around us full of women, like the woman I follow on Instagram, who has gone years without being celebrated. I wonder how many women like that you walk pass everyday and have not a clue no one even acknowledges them on Mother's Day or any day; and let's be real those elementary school mother's day gifts are cute and sweet but there is nothing like being afforded the opportunity to take the load off for a few hours and enjoy some much needed time resting, relaxing, and enjoying womanhood. 

                                   

     To All The Mom's Out There Happy Mother's Day!

Why You Weren't Married in Your Early 20's

(My friends and I celebrating my 25th birthday) 

I used to be in a rush for everything. You couldn't tell me that by 25 I wouldn't be married with a kid. Looking back at almost 27 years old that was a silly idea. I believe the person you are at 25 is not the same person you'll be at 35 or 45 and with that there is no way I could have created a lifelong partnership with a man I thought I loved at 25 years old.I should have known  good and well that my 25 year old self has NO IDEA what LOVE meant, but girl that fuzzy feeling in my stomach, or that skipping of my heartbeat sufficed as my definition! At 25 I thought a man was "my man", silly me. At 25 I thought sex would keep a man, ask how many women that has worked for. At 25 I thought having separate lives meant something was wrong with the relationship! At 25 I thought I needed to say everything that came to my mind (rolls eyes at myself). At 25 I thought everything about my relationship should be plastered over the internet....Sidebar: at 25 I really thought I should be on reality tv (CHILE BLESS MY SOUL) All in all through this revelation I've learned the importance of experiencing life's stages.

 All of those thought processes were appropriate at certain stages, but trying to drag someone else with me through those stages (while they were/are experiencing various stages of their own) is a damaging task. It's why couples fight all the time! It's not that they are bad people it's just that they are two people in different stages in life; a stage that the other person is not mature enough to comprehend, unwilling to conform to, or in NO way are they even supposed to entertain anyone romantically on your stage given the stage of life they're currently in! However, each person will reach that stage where they are able to have an "aha moment" concerning individual growth and its role in relationships. At that stage they'll be best able to build a life with someone else. Some people never get the revelation and remain single (which is not the worst thing that could happen) or in unhappy, miserable, and routine relationships. I recently heard a newly single woman in her late 30's say "now I'm about to figure out who I am". While it's never too late to begin the quest of finding out who you are (and it is truly a lifelong process), I'd venture to say this beautiful woman failed to  take advantage of life's stages. So much in a rush to get the man, have the babies, and live out her developing 20 something  year old dreams, she forget to bring her true self along with her on the journey! How -- because she never took the time to figure out who she really was. 


I remember in my early twenties I'd work hard to prove to the other twenty something year old boys around me that I was worthy of their attention. I'd try to manipulate them into seeing who I was, or thought I was, by doing thee most to try and keep their attention. Chile I was cooking meals, nursing them while they were sick, being at their beckon call and playing the role to get what I wanted (a ring & a commitment). Lord I am so glad that my manipulation did not work. I am so thankful that nobody ended up with 25 year old Kristen. Not that I was some trifiling, two timing, girl but I was totally unaware of who I was as a woman and while I could have landed the guy, years later I would have been totally miserable because 25 year old Kristen would have matured and realized that what Kristen once liked at age 25, would not be able to sustain her once she truly found out who she was as a woman years later.


The purpose of this post is to encourage slowing down, to encourage self reflection, to encourage personal growth, to encourage the understanding of healthy relationships,and to encourage your ability to maturely put the pieces together. In this life you will experience many stages and the longer you live the more stages you will face. Trust the process and gain everything you need in each stage of life. It will aid you in being your best self for you, your family, and your community! 

~Blessings on Your Journey 
KWK