Why You Weren't Married in Your Early 20's

(My friends and I celebrating my 25th birthday) 

I used to be in a rush for everything. You couldn't tell me that by 25 I wouldn't be married with a kid. Looking back at almost 27 years old that was a silly idea. I believe the person you are at 25 is not the same person you'll be at 35 or 45 and with that there is no way I could have created a lifelong partnership with a man I thought I loved at 25 years old.I should have known  good and well that my 25 year old self has NO IDEA what LOVE meant, but girl that fuzzy feeling in my stomach, or that skipping of my heartbeat sufficed as my definition! At 25 I thought a man was "my man", silly me. At 25 I thought sex would keep a man, ask how many women that has worked for. At 25 I thought having separate lives meant something was wrong with the relationship! At 25 I thought I needed to say everything that came to my mind (rolls eyes at myself). At 25 I thought everything about my relationship should be plastered over the internet....Sidebar: at 25 I really thought I should be on reality tv (CHILE BLESS MY SOUL) All in all through this revelation I've learned the importance of experiencing life's stages.

 All of those thought processes were appropriate at certain stages, but trying to drag someone else with me through those stages (while they were/are experiencing various stages of their own) is a damaging task. It's why couples fight all the time! It's not that they are bad people it's just that they are two people in different stages in life; a stage that the other person is not mature enough to comprehend, unwilling to conform to, or in NO way are they even supposed to entertain anyone romantically on your stage given the stage of life they're currently in! However, each person will reach that stage where they are able to have an "aha moment" concerning individual growth and its role in relationships. At that stage they'll be best able to build a life with someone else. Some people never get the revelation and remain single (which is not the worst thing that could happen) or in unhappy, miserable, and routine relationships. I recently heard a newly single woman in her late 30's say "now I'm about to figure out who I am". While it's never too late to begin the quest of finding out who you are (and it is truly a lifelong process), I'd venture to say this beautiful woman failed to  take advantage of life's stages. So much in a rush to get the man, have the babies, and live out her developing 20 something  year old dreams, she forget to bring her true self along with her on the journey! How -- because she never took the time to figure out who she really was. 


I remember in my early twenties I'd work hard to prove to the other twenty something year old boys around me that I was worthy of their attention. I'd try to manipulate them into seeing who I was, or thought I was, by doing thee most to try and keep their attention. Chile I was cooking meals, nursing them while they were sick, being at their beckon call and playing the role to get what I wanted (a ring & a commitment). Lord I am so glad that my manipulation did not work. I am so thankful that nobody ended up with 25 year old Kristen. Not that I was some trifiling, two timing, girl but I was totally unaware of who I was as a woman and while I could have landed the guy, years later I would have been totally miserable because 25 year old Kristen would have matured and realized that what Kristen once liked at age 25, would not be able to sustain her once she truly found out who she was as a woman years later.


The purpose of this post is to encourage slowing down, to encourage self reflection, to encourage personal growth, to encourage the understanding of healthy relationships,and to encourage your ability to maturely put the pieces together. In this life you will experience many stages and the longer you live the more stages you will face. Trust the process and gain everything you need in each stage of life. It will aid you in being your best self for you, your family, and your community! 

~Blessings on Your Journey 
KWK