Answer: I love how we (men and women) think the word insecurities apply to women only! WRONG, here’s a refresher for you, INSECURITES apply to men as well and an insecure man is as equal to if not worse than, in my opinion, an insecure woman. Here is why: Personally I idealize men as leaders! However I must recognize that there are many types of leaders: there are phenomenal leaders, good leaders, ok leaders and leaders who have NO CLUE. Ok leaders and leaders who have NO CLUE are prime candidates for insecurities because they do not have the capacity to fulfill their role as a leader effectively, which cause them to often question themselves and/or make questionable decisions which almost always leads to error. A confident leader who is secure in his/her decisions make fantastic leaders.
In my case since I reference men as leaders, especially in relationships, a confident man who is secure in who he is makes a great boyfriend/husband. This confident man will not choose an ill-equipped woman to be a part of his team. He wants an asset not a liability; Someone that is equally yoked, confident, & secure…. unless he chooses a woman who needs assistance in some areas, taking on the role of a teacher filling the shoes of a phenomenal or good leader. However keep in mind these type leaders choose teammates that are primarily open to positive change. These leaders also make a conscious effort not throw your weaknesses in your face and make you feel inferior, in fact they present your weaknesses to you, offering comfort and assistance to make you feel empowered to overcome them!
I am merely suggesting that if your boyfriend says your insecurities are ruining your relationship, please take into consideration that his insecurities (as the leader) could have established the relationship, set the tone for the relationship, and now have either permeated the entire relationship, transferring to you OR connected with the insecurities you had prior to the relationship, creating a transference of insecurities that is slowly destroying your relationship from the inside out.
I love how we place blame on others as a means to withdraw responsibility from ourselves (I think everyone can agree to have done this at one point or another). I suggest you challenge your boyfriend to identify any error on his part concerning your “insecurities”. He knows what he’s done and is currently doing, and you know as well! You have been blessed my dear sister with a wonderful gift from God called an Intuition. It’s a real gift but has been developing a bad rap because it is often misused with displaced emotions, an inability to communicate, coupled with a lack of God- confidence that in my opinion rightfully so draws question to its effectiveness at times. However that does not negate the gift, it just challenges women to utilize the gift correctly.
You know that whatever is going on in your relationship makes you feel uncomfortable and you have every right to own your feelings and share them constructively. That benefits you! What is not beneficial to you however is to be disregarded emotionally and fully blamed for an issue you are only partially responsible for. **Never allow someone else’s insecurities to cause you to question who you are, or connect with your already existing insecurities. Establish a separation or else it creates a MESS**
I suggest you take time to get to know who you are. Establish what you desire out of life, the goals you wish to achieve, and the woman you want to become. I suggest you spend crazy time with God, that is the most constructive and most time efficient way to figure this all out. I am not suggesting you leave the relationship, because there are two more sides to this; His and The Truth, but what I am suggesting is that you take time to prepare and develop who you are in character and emotion. Only then can you be an asset to yourself and any relationship.
~Konversations w/ Kristen
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