So last year I wrote a letter to God about my feelings on being single. At the age of 26 I have had a wealth of emotional experiences in regards to my singleness. Please read how I feel about being single after the dust settles.
Being single has been one of the greatest experiences I've had. I never really understood, valued, or respected being single. Always in such eager anticipation to be in a relationship or get married, I disregarded the importance of being By Myself. I think as a society we focus so much on “having somebody” that we miss the splendor of being single. As a woman who has been single for roughly 15 months, it wasn’t until 4 months ago that I started to see the beauty of singleness.
We often gain an appreciation for being single from a worlds perspective, believing that being single means: “well at least I don’t have anyone to worry about” or “I can do what I want to do now that I am single”, etc. All these justifications are void fillers that leave us just as empty as we have always been; preparing us for yet another relationship, that is destined to fail. As a single woman I have really learned to know and understand You. There is a method to the madness often associated with being in a relationship or being married, however, as single people we get so caught up in dating our own way that we totally ignore You. I have been guilty of taking delight in the anticipation of drama and confusion that is destined when two totally incomplete people merge together.
I have also learned Kristen and that has been such a humbling experience to say the least. Through singleness I have grown in 7 areas of my life......7 the number of completion. My personality~ I now monitor and analyze things I do or say to gage if my actions or words could potentially hurt someone. My attitude~ I have began taking into account how my feelings affect others around me. I learned it’s important to think first and feel second. How I feel should not affect my day, and it is extremely selfish of me to allow my feelings to impact someone else’s day as well. My personal views~ As a strongly opinionated woman, I had to learn that everybody doesn’t care to hear my opinion all the time. No matter how “Right” I may think I am about a situation it’s not my place to prove my “Rightness” about everything, in every conversation. While it is important to think first and feel second, it is also important to think first and speak second. Views and opinions are often accompanied with a plethora of feelings. Feelings DO NOT mean anything. We can feel good one second, and feel like crap before that second is over. Feelings are unstable and typically do not account for good decisions. Any decision based off feelings is destined to FAIL!!
My worth~ To tell the truth and shame the devil I talked a good game but for years I had ZERO self worth. I let men in and out of my life, and take pieces of me with them like I belonged to them. For years I cared about everyone else but me; not in some self-pity way either. I truly cared more about a man’s happiness than mine. This mindset obligated me to relationships with people I KNEW I had no business with. While this is such a valued and loyal attribute for a woman to have, I carelessly used this God given gift in non marital relationships. Only a wife should selflessly care for her husband. This mindset has been God-Approved among married couples because this relationship involves two people who consciously made a vow before You, (our Lord) to intentionally deny themselves daily for the benefit of their partner. Because I have never been married, it became apparent to me that over the years I have operated as a wife in many relationships. This inappropriate behavior guarantees ZERO covering or protection from the Holy Spirit (You), so basically I set myself up. While I was so caught up in being “wifey” I sacrificed my morals, beliefs, and even wants, to show someone else how worthy they were; Caring minimally about how worthy You are and caring nothing at all about my own self worth.
My values~ are deeply rooted in the things of God….NOW. For YEARS, my values were a storage board of ideas and opinions developed by myself, family, friends, married people, God, and the media. I created a value system and lived by that system alone. I never intentionally established my value system according to Your standards. My motives~ being single allows me to examine my motives for wanting to be in a relationship. Over the years I have sought out relationships to fill voids, save me from feeling lonely, satisfy my lustful desires, provide companionship, find someone to consistently talk to, and so many other reasons I can’t even think of at the moment. My motives for being in a relationship were never to join with a man with whom we could further develop in the things of You and become useful instruments for the Kingdom. My main concern was to make them happy; even if it included doing something I did not want to do, all in hopes that they would return the favor for my seemingly selfless actions. I never viewed relationships as a ministry, a coming together of like people, with the same foundation, seeking to build a legacy for this generation and future generations to come.
Lastly I needed to identify my Savior. My Savior~ is Jesus Christ. For so long I longed for relationships so some man could come in and save me. Save me from being alone, save me from boredom, save me from loneliness, save me from living alone and all these things that should not be sought after from an individual. Being single has proven to be beautiful thing in my life. It has afforded me many opportunities to prepare for my future family. I have established peace within, I have understood the importance of prayer and relying on You before entering into a relationship or making decisions, I have died to myself so that I can operate as You would have me operate, I understand the importance of being led by You and not my feelings or emotions, I choose to make You proud above all things, and I have developed an endurance and understanding that You have the best for me. You love me more than I could ever love myself or anyone else, and You hold my future in Your hands. I have also grown to understand that because I chose obedience, You will honor and bless me in my one day marriage. I love you so much for correcting me, and teaching me how to be better. Only a loving Father would do that & I appreciate You.
I love you,
Kristen
***images are from Google**
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